Want better relationships? Begin with you

Making a relationship work is a really tough assignment. It takes lots of communication, caring, passion, etc. But the one thing that’s essential is loving who YOU are. Easier said than done, of course, but finding your way there opens up a whole new spectrum in your relationship.

When we’re talking about loving yourself, it’s not the narcissistic kind where you think you’re the best thing since sliced bread, or think you’re infallible or only interact with people of your perceived importance.

What’s loving yourself about then? It’s about:

  • Ending the co-dependency. Too many of us too often base our own feelings and emotions on how our partner is doing. If he/she is angry, we’re right there as well. We’re only happy when they’re happy. We feel joy when the other person senses joy. When they worry, we worry. This is not to say that we shouldn’t empathize or want to help our partner because there are going to be times when that’s appropriate. However, there’s a difference between supporting them and ALLOWING ourselves to be at the whim of our partner’s various moods. Learn how to maintain your happiness independent of how others are feeling.
  • Asking for what you want. We’re afraid to voice what we want because sometimes we’re worried about how our partners will react. We’re afraid we’re going to hurt their feelings or make them angry. Maybe we’re afraid we’re going to appear selfish. But consider the benefits if you seek out ways to bring out joy, excitement or contentment in your life. All those feelings plus more will be sowed right back into your relationship. When the energy surrounding you is high, the people closest to you can’t help but feel it!
  • Self-care. Be nice to yourself. Eat well. Sleep well. Stop beating yourself up with negative dialogue in your head. We know them all too well: I’m too fat. I wish I had more money. I’m never going to find my soulmate. I’m too tired and I have no time to do anything fun. Ugh! Did you feel the heaviness after just reading those words? And here’s a truth: If you feel that way all the time, then it’s likely other people will pick up on that negative energy as well. How freeing would it be if you stopped judging yourself and show up in the world as you are?

You will reap so many benefits — mentally, physically and emotionally — if you treat yourself with love and kindness. Take small steps, but just start!

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Cindy is a life coach with a specialty in relationships.  She loves helping individuals and couples make the most of themselves and their relationships. If you would like guidance on living a more purposeful and fulfilling life or you want someone to help navigate some of your relationship challenges, contact Cindy to discuss coaching services.

She is trained under the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching, a fully accredited program with the International Coaching Federation. She has nearly 20 years of experience in communications, is a mother of two and active in the community.

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The treasure is in the listening

The more people I coach, the more I realize that so many just crave to be heard. They want someone to listen to them, be engaged in the story they’re telling and validate that their words have significance.

However, we’re often part of unbalanced conversations, where one side does most of the talking or two people fight to speak, thus talking over each other. Or how about when one person always brings the conversation back around to them, making you wonder if they even digested anything you’ve said.

The secret to meaningful conversation is listening. Not just impatiently waiting for the other to stop talking so you can chime in or just half listening because you are too busy formulating your response.  but really focusing on the details, using your intuition to see how you can offer wisdom and when you can be helpful.

Conversations are how we build relationships and connect to one another. Whether you are trying to enhance your personal or business life, you’ll get a lot further with people if you practice active listening.

So my challenge to you is notice the following:

  • Are you doing most of that talking?
  • Do you start most of your sentences with I?
  • Are there lots of interruptions?
  • Is there an even exchange of ideas?

Now, there are those who just have to do all the talking. They’re not curious about your life because they’re too absorbed in whatever is going through their heads to have a fair and balanced exchange with you. In these cases, you’re not going to change their behavior but you do get to choose whether the relationship is worth building.

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Get a taste of what working with a coach is like. Contact me to schedule your complimentary 30-minute session. emailforcindy@gmail.com.

From a fan: Finding time to take care of everything, and everybody, including myself, has been difficult. Cindy has guided me to achieve a successful life and business plan. Not only has she boosted my confidence, she has made me realize how to reach my goals.  — Toni


If you’re in a rut, ask yourself these questions

Getting into a rut happens to the best of us. Our lives are often full of running around for work and/or family. It’s easy to fall into a lull. For some, it’s the right time to live with the predictability of everyday tasks and responsibilities.

Others desire change. They might have a nagging feeling that they’re meant to do something else; they’re seeking a new way to live.

They often find themselves beginning their sentences with “I wish…” or “If only…” or “I want to but…” or “I really shouldn’t …”? By using those words, they’ve limited themselves from the get-go. We think we’re using words of intention, but there’s a tone of unbelief.

And unfortunately, they’ve probably felt this way for a long time but have been too busy to pause and re-evaluate. Or they simply don’t know how to get started on that new journey.

The place to begin is getting real with yourself and asking yourself these two questions: What am I tolerating? How long am I willing to live this way?

How do those questions resonate with you? Do they ignite something inside? Are you feeling energized?

The beautiful thing is you have choices. You can choose to stay where you are or decide when it’s time to get moving.

Here are a few ways to get into gear:

  • Set aside 20 minutes tomorrow to just THINK. We are not going to get quiet time if we don’t carve it out ourselves.
  • Do one itty bitty thing to get you going on your project. I don’t care what it is, just take a step.
  • Stop making excuses! I hate to be harsh — believe me, I fall into this trap lots of times — but think about all the things that you say are getting in the way and I bet you can kick some to the curb to focus energy on what’s more pressing.

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Some words from a fan:

I am so grateful to Cindy for all of her help and guidance while I was trying to figure out what I wanted to be when I “grew” up!  Her compassion and understanding helped me to sort out what I wanted to do as opposed to what I felt I had to do.  I will forever be grateful to Cindy for helping me follow my dreams! — Carol


The trouble with hanging on when you really don’t want to

Here’s what you say to yourself: “I’ll just hang on to this (job, duty, jeans that are 2 sizes too small, etc.) because it’s good money, or I don’t want to let anyone down, or it could come in handy one day.

But your insides are screaming, “I DON’T WANT TO!” You feel bound and chained, and the self-talk continues because you’re hoping that enough chatter will suddenly give you the drive you want. Forget it, it’s not going to work.

Last week, I let go of a gig that I thoroughly enjoyed for a while. I made good money and lots of new friends. It hit me one day that I just wasn’t into it anymore, but I was afraid to admit it. I was super excited for my next project and wanted to put all my focus into that, but I clung on to my gig and rationalized up and down about why I should stick it out. I was like this for months before I just said, “Screw it — I choose to be done.

Wow, talk about freedom from:

  • Guilt: One of the most useless feelings there is, especially when we know there’s no good reason for it. I felt guilty because I was giving up an opportunity and thought I was letting some people down. But the only person I was disappointing was myself because I wasn’t being TRUE!
  • Energy sucking: I was so drained from wondering what I should do. What a waste.
  • Who are you kidding? Nobody! If you show up feeling blah, your clients will pick up on it. And even if they don’t right away, how much longer do you want to pretend?

Look, I’m not saying that you should quit a job that you need, (USE WISDOM!) because sometimes you temporarily  just gotta do what you gotta do, but if there’s a way to free yourself, what’s stopping you?

GET GUTSY: Show up with authenticity!


Here’s the scoop

I figured it’s time to update my About page, but I’m not calling it “About”  because it sounds lame.

“The scoop on Cindy” is more inviting, don’t you think?

Here’s where I stand:

  • LIFE: Family and friends are priorities.
  • LOVE: What else is there?
  • COMMUNITY: Give back because what goes around comes around.
  • FREEDOM: I choose who I am and what I do.
  • FUN: Inject some into your life.
  • POSSIBILITIES: They’re everywhere — grab them!

The more practical stuff: Journalist for 19 years (newspapers are cool!), ran a super successful direct sales business (lia sophia), mom of two (a shout-out to the PTA), new puppy owner (aww, Lexi).

I’m addicted to helping women (guys, you can hold your horses) get moving as entrepreneurs or launch different career paths. I want to inspire you, brainstorm with you and raise your confidence so you can head in the direction of your dreams. Bottom line is we’re going to get laser focused on you and what you’re doing to DO.

I offer:

  • One-on-one coaching. We talk via phone or Skype (love Skype) every week and you have unlimited e-mail access to me. I’m your cheerleader on your journey of change, but I’ll also be your nudge when you need it.
  • Mastermind groups. A bunch of us get together via phone or Skype to share ideas, help each other on challenges and offer encouragement. It’s a safe place to talk about your projects or next moves and get feedback before you make a go of it.

If you want a taste of how awesome working with a coaching can be, contact me for a complimentary 30-minute session: emailforcindy@gmail.com


How I know it’s time for a change

“What’s Cindy newest adventure?”

That question has become somewhat of a joke among my friends and family. Here’s why they ask:

  • Journalist (many different titles at several newspapers)
  • Direct seller with lia sophia jewelry
  • eBay merchant
  • Helped found a church
  • Ran a 15K race
  • Co-president of PTAs at two different schools
  • Leader of various school events and committees
  • Dabbled in scrapbooking, knitting and cardmaking
  • Book club organizer

And now I’m coaching women who are ready to become entrepreneurs or business owners who are aiming for their next level of success.

I list all of that not to brag, but to point out that it’s exciting to try new things and step in different directions. When my intuition — gut feeling — tells me that my mission is accomplished in one project, I know a new adventure is waiting for me.

I’ve met lots of people who feel stuck at where they are, don’t know how to start a new life or have no idea what excites them anymore. If this sounds like you, I challenge you to trust your instincts and commit to a baby step toward one goal. Taking a new direction in life or business takes a sense of adventure, courage, determination, integrity and honesty, despite the fear and trepidation of making change.

This is how I CHOOSE to live. Are you living how you choose to?


Dear entrepreneur, Get out of the starting gate

You should have heard Mary talk about her business idea. She glowed. She was animated. She spoke with so much energy and passion that I couldn’t help but get sucked into all that positivity. But then she put up the roadblocks: How am I going to pull it off? Where am I supposed to get capital? Where do I even start? I don’t know if I have time for all of this.

If I learned anything from my own experiences in starting up a business and coaching entrepreneurs is that when that kind of energy and enthusiasm is present, you better take it and run with it. In other words, Mary was going to continue to milk those good vibrations.

So we got Mary to start pulling back those roadblocks, an inch at a time: What can be done right away to get her going toward her dream? When can she devote some time to this project? What resources (and not necessarily money) does she have now that could help her?

And most important: Why does the next step have to be huge or perfect?

Do you see how we just turned her questions around and got her thinking about what she CAN do? And the action step can be as simple as reading  a book, doing specific research, making a contact or signing up for a seminar.

At the end of our session, Mary committed to an action step. It’s a small one, but she’s out of the starting gate! Congratulations!

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Let me help you change direction. Contact me for coaching and ask about my 30-minute complimentary session offer.